Days Thirty Four and Thirty Five - 29th & 30th December

Footballers are infamous for struggling to find something useful to do with their lives after their time in the game ends. Those that don't end up in coaching or management often find it difficult to find a new career outwith football. So this lead to me thinking about trying out some of the post-football activities that ex-footballers have taken up in their retirement years .

Lumberjack -
Former Swedish international Klass Ingesson now plys his trade chopping down trees, so I thought this would be pretty fun to try out. Our Christmas tree is looking a quite unhealthy by this stage of the festive season, so I climb in to the attic and find a small hacksaw. I gradually butcher all the large branches left on the tree, until I have separated it into quarters. Although the tree can now be easily disposed of and I have had a rare time destroying it, I don't really see this as a career option for me.

Pancake Making -
Former Southampton defender Ken Monkou has invested the money he earned from football in a pancake cafe back in his native Holland. I decide to give flipping crepes a go by making them for my whole family. The first few are decidedly dodgy, but I soon get the hang of the process and by pancake three I am producing world class crepes. I am not sure how receptive the average Glaswegian palate would be to such a continental dish, but I decide I like Monkou's career choice.

Gambling -
Numerous footballers have become gambling addicts before and after they have retired from the game. I don't have the budget of your average Premiership star, but I dedicate a whole £25 to spend on a horse racing. I know nothing about racing, and I begin by betting small. Initially, I do quite well and on my third bet I win twelve quid. My winning streak is short though and I am soon out of money. I don't really get any rush from betting and decide that it's not for me.

Stand up -
Footballers such as Neil Ruddock and Rodney Marsh now make a living by giving speeches at club dinners and the like. I decide to inflict a couple of my friends to a ten minute speech full of anecdotes about my past. I am greeted with glares and everyone seems to think that this whole no football thing has finally got to me. I decide that I am not interesting enough to make a career out of speaking.