Days Twenty Six & Twenty Seven - 21st and 22nd December

With all this credit crunch palaver, Britons are arguably being more careful about how they spend their wages than they have been since the eighties. I would generally spend a significant proportion of my money on football. I go to maybe about ten games a season, but it is in other football related activities that most of my money is spent. Indeed, the average football fan spends between £20-30 a week on football. My outgoings are generally on: going to the pub to watch football, replica shirts, footy magazines and other types of memorabilia.
I have definetly saved money in undertaking this experiment. My time in the pub has rapidly decreased and I have managed to find several activities that are far more economical than football. For fun, I decided to list some of the ways that I could alternatively spend the money that I would on football.

Match Ticket - £27

Alternatives

The Superorganism: The Beauty, Elegance, and Strangeness of Insect Societies (Hardcover)
£26.25 from Amazon.co.uk
Learn about some of the world's most fascinating insects by browsing this illustrated textbook on superorganisms. Definetly more organismic than your average goal!

Pen Fishing Rod
£24.95 from Iwantoneofthose.com
Simply put its a pen and a fishing rod. Write your memoirs whilst catching your dinner!

The Albums (Abba Boxset)
£27.97 from Amazon.co.uk
Listen to all the favourites from Swedish legends Abba. Definetly more entertaining than watching Freddy Ljungberg playing in an MLS match.

Replica Shirt - £40

Alternatives

Lionel Ritchie Tickets
from £35, Amazon.co.uk
Instead of taking your girlfriend to Exeter vs Mansfield, take her to see Lionel Ritchie. She'll either fall in love with you, or leave you.

Sky Challenger Helicopters
£39.99 from Iwantoneofthose.com
Chalenge your mates to aerial warfare with these flying helicopters that battle through infra red technology.

Flights from Ryanair.com
from £20
Instead of spending your weekend on the freezing terraces, go and get some sunshine. Oh, and if you insist on watching F**tball, then why not catch a match while you're over there.


Pint of beer at a pub - £3

Alternatives

Poptastic
£4.99 from Iwantoneofthose.com
This gadget recreates the greatest feeling in the world - the experience of popping bubble wrap! Sure to give at least 90 minutes of entertainment.

Gladiator DVD
£2.99 from Play.com
One of the greatest films of all time. Aurelius Maximus is unlikely to limp off after ten minutes with a slight groin strain.

15 minute workouts for dummies
£2.99, Play.com
Get out of the pub and do some exercise. It may even improve your 5 a side skills!

Days Twenty Four & Twenty Five - 19th and 20th December

I remember saying when I first started this project that only the most desperate of situations would make me turn to rugby. But I awake on Saturday feeling more in need of football than ever before. I just feel the need to watch five minutes of Football Focus or Soccer Saturday. Desperate times call for desperate measures. My only option is to turn to football's dreaded egg shaped cousin.
Bath versus Sale is the chosen match for my first full on rugger experience. I have watched Six Nations matches in the past, but that is about the scale of my interest in rugby. Indeed, when my mum tried to buy me a Wales rugby top for my 5th birthday, she was told by the assistant 'that I would never be big enough to get a rugby shirt to fit me'. My name is Gareth Iwan Jones though and I am determined to prove them wrong by harking back to the oval traditions of the land of my father.
Within the first few minutes, Sale take the lead through a try from Luke McAllister. There are two yellow cards early doors and it is certainly a feisty affair. Bath fight back though, and go in 13-12 up at half time.
The second half isn't as exciting as the initial period and the only event is a second try by former England winger Mark Cueto. This disappoints me as I have backed Bath. But my boys fight back and a last second try gives us a 24-20 victory. I praise the name of Matt Banahan, and I am generally ecstatic with the victory. Rugby has given me the closest thing that you can get to the rush of someone from my team scoring a last minute goal.
In reflection, I conclude that the reason I enjoyed this match so much was that it reminded me of football. If I became a rugby fan, I'm sure that I would still be the same bitter frustrated person that I was before this experiment started. Rugby players are arguably more admirable than modern day footballers, but I'm sure that they would be able to piss me off in a different way. I am beginning to accept that I am stuck with football for life. Like an alcoholic, the only way I would be able to give up football is by staying away from anything that reminds me of it. I decide that rugby is not the new hobby for me.

Days Twenty Two & Twenty Three - 17th and 18th December

This being the most wonderful time of the year and all, I decide that getting my Christmas shopping done early is a perfect way of spending time that I normally would watching football. But the ban presents a few problems. Normally I would buy at least a few presents that are football related for people. For example, football shirts are normally what I would buy my little cousins. But since I can't buy them then I have to come up with alternative ideas. This takes me an extremely long time, and I eventually opt for a book and pair of pyjamas. This is clearly proof that football affects all areas of my life. In the end, the xmas shopping experience isn't too painful and I'm glad to have got it out of the way earlier than normal. Nevertheless, I can't help but fear that this ban is making me less popular with my family and friends.

Days Twenty & Twenty One - 15th and 16th December

Half way there! Bar a few tough times, the last twenty days have actually went by pretty quickly. The next twenty though will bring a whole range of new challenges. For example: the transfer window reopening, an Old Firm derby, countless Premiership matches and the general madness that accompanies the festive footballing season.
The twentieth day is marked by me going to the Evening Times for work experience. I decide not to tell anyone at the paper about my scheme as I don't have the energy to explain the whole thing. Initially, there doesn't seem to be too many obstacles in the office to prevent me from viewing football. I have to ensure that I don't read the backpages of the paper. But on the whole, I'm glad to be being kept busy for the week.

Days Eighteen & Nineteen - 13th and 14th December

Following my Xmas night out, I awake on the Saturday morning not in the mood for football. In fact, I am not actually in the mood for anything. Maybe it's drinking I should be giving up for forty days? (I actually gave up drink for three months last year and it wasnt that difficult.) Football though is a different kettle of fish. If you want to avoid drink, you just don't go to pubs or off licences. But football is everywhere. My major challenge of the day is to resist the temptation to play the new Football Manager game that my brother has bought. Some of my greatest achievements in life have taken place in this game. I've taken Scotland to the World Cup semi finals, lead Celtic to their second European cup, even taken Grimsby into Europe. Countless hours of my life have been dedicated to this game. But the whole living without football thing has made me think more about FM. It is just a game. Indeed, football is just a game. Why has it become an obssession? Why can I not go a day without thinking thoughts like, 'I wonder who would win in a match between the '98 France team and Maradona's '86 Argentine team'? Why does this game give me mood swings that play a major role in my life?
I decide to stop thinking about this game, and instead turn my mind to a far more intellectual challenge - chess. After reading the rules of chess on wikipedia, I attempt to take on an electronic Russian master. Whatever I seem to doleads to failure. I spend four hours attempting to beat this computer, but don't get past his pawns. I feel like a sunday league striker facing Fabio Cannavaro. In the end, I just get frustrated that I can't flip the electronic chess board. I go to bed pissed off and still mooting whether or Diego or Zinedine would have came out on top.

Days Sixteen & Seventeen - 11th and 12th December

I am beginning to reflect more and more about football. Why did I fall out with football? Well I think a lot of it has to do with the modern game. I find the Premiership montonous. Everyone is so obssessed with money now, the Man City situation has proved that the game is all about money. I decide that the best way to express my feelings is to get something down on paper. I came up with this poem, and it may be the first of many pieces that I produce focusing on my relationship with the beautiful game.

The King of Africa

So talented
As strong as an ox
A predator in the box
One hundred and twenty grand a week
Part of an exclusive clique
Yet you bitch and moan
With Mourinho on the phone
Follow a 25 yard drive
With a ridiculous dive
You have everything, but your never happy
Didier Drogba – the modern footballer
And self proclaimed King of Africa

Days Fourteen & Fifteen - 9th and 10th December

After the Sex and the City marathon, I decide for my own self esteem and to quieten those that think the ban will change my sexuality, I decide to do something much more masculine. I try lifting weights, but I get depressed when I struggle to lift 30kilos and my arms hurt like hell. I decide to sooth the pain by drinking six cans of stout, which makes me feel bloated and gives me a massive hamgover the next day. I decide that although I like football and I am not afeminate, I am most certainly not a macho man. I find my happy medium by watching the Sopranos season one boxset.